Lyrics & Story Behind Song #5: “In My World”
“In my world, every boy and girl has the right to be who they are.
In my world, every boy and girl grows strong—not made wrong—a sparkling star.
In my world, girls and boys have a right to love and joy.
Come on out. Come on in. Won’t you come, little one? Be a shining sun in my world.”
In January of 2018 I was feeling some sadness over the quality of my relationship with my grown son. Due to his work out of state, we were rarely able to spend holidays together. I missed that. I also desired for us to communicate more often than we did during the rest of the year. What was I feeling? Frustration. What was I telling myself? That nagging little voice in my head was telling me I must be a bad mother. I knew my son and I loved each other. So why, when we did visit, did we occasionally trigger old patterns that pushed each other’s buttons?
During a coaching session, I was asked, “Do you love your son?” Of course I answered, “Yes”. Then I was shocked to feel my head shake from side to side signaling, “No” in body language. What was my head telling me? Only horrible mothers didn’t love their children. As I stayed with my feelings of shock and shame in that moment, I explored the disconnect between my what my words said, and what my body said was true in my subconscious. A huge “AHA!” came. I realized I was running an inherited belief pattern about parental love that wasn’t real love at all. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my son. It was that I didn’t know what real love was.
My mom and dad were typical baby boomer parents. They worked hard. They generously provided me and my siblings with food, clothing, and shelter. They said “I love you” often, and rewarded us when we met their expectations. They also let us know when we disappointed them. As long as I was being a “good girl”—i.e., conforming to what mom and dad felt was appropriate--I felt safe and loved by my parents. In turn, they interpreted obedience and compliance as me loving them back.
From the outside looking in, we were a model family. In reality, my parents didn't know how to value parts of me (or themselves) that didn’t fit society’s “good person” model. As a child, I quickly learned to hide “bad” parts of me. I suppressed any exuberant, rebellious, sensual or creative impulses that fell outside the approved box. Wasn’t it a good mom, dad (or God’s) job to sit in judgement, making determinations about how it was OK to be? Approval (or loss of love) was given as reward or punishment.
All this was going on under the surface of course. My folks did their best to be wonderful parents. Their intentions were golden as they followed in the footsteps of their parents. They lovingly socialized their children to fit smoothly into post-Great Depression, God-fearing, American culture. They defined good parenting as ensuring we grew up with religious values and a work ethic that matched their own. They hoped we would be “good people” and get good jobs to survive in the world. They were loving their children the way they’d been taught, repeating the only parenting pattern they knew. Similarly, as an artistic, rebel child, I was dying a little each day without realizing why. Despite hearing mom and dad say “I love you”, something felt “off”. That spiritual light in each of us that intuitively remembers what unconditional love is, sensed a disconnect. My child self just didn’t know what to do about it, except shut down anything in me that didn’t fit the mold.
Looking back now, I realize that by the time I was three, I had embodied the parenting belief that “love is linked to approval and judgement”. I repeated that pattern as a “good mom”. I gave or withheld approval based on external standards of right and wrong. I also gave up myself for others. In that belief system, self-sacrifice for love was a virtue. Conversely, I judged how much I was loved by how much outside praise and validation I received.
Flash forward sixty years to the coaching session where my body woke me up. I was horrified to realize I was applying an unconscious, co-dependent, parenting pattern to my relationship with my son. What I called “love” consisted of giving advice. I was constantly measuring my son’s alignment with my values and priorities. Every time I focused on attempting to shape him to fit my mental image of a perfect son, however, I missed seeing him for who he was, or loving him for the man he had made of himself. No wonder my old patterns pushed his buttons. No wonder my body was telling me I didn’t really “love” my son. My beliefs about parental love weren’t real love at all!
Then my “aha” got even bigger. I realized my subconscious wiring of love with judgement wasn’t restricted to parenting. It impacted the way I loved myself and everything in my world. I was wearing blinders. I constantly judged what was lovable or not, worthy or not. The truth was, my conscious mind didn’t have a clue what “unconditional” love was. I had never experienced or given it. During the rest of the coaching session that followed, I identified several decrees to reawaken the truth about divine love.
I REMEMBER DIVINE LOVE. I REMEMBER MY PURE LOVE.
ME LOVE ME. ME CHERISH ME. I CHOOSE LOVE. I AM LOVE. I SEE ONLY LOVE. ONLY LOVE SEES ME.
MY SACRED LOVE IS BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT. THERE IS NOTHING SPIRIT CAN NOT LOVE.
I LOVE ME FIRST. I FILL MY CUP AND LOVE OVERFLOWS THROUGH ME TO TOUCH MY WORLD.
I RESTORE LOVE IN ME. I RESTORE LOVE WITH MY SON.
I HAVE THE SON I WAS MEANT TO HAVE. I LOVE THE SON I HAVE, NOT SOME IMAGE I IMAGINE MIGHT BE EASIER TO LOVE.
I CREATE MIRACLES WITH MY SON. I SEE MY SON CLEARLY AND MY SON SEES ME. I LOVE MY SON AND MY SON LOVES ME.
Then my coach took things a quantum leap further. She invited me to use the tool of imagination. She said, “Remember, you create your own reality. You raise your world in you. So, imagine it has been three years since you chose to create a new belief about love. Light up your new vision. What are you seeing, doing, feeling? In your new universe, do you love your son now?”
In that moment, I realized if I really had the power to create my world with every thought and word, the first thing I would create was a universe where all children were guaranteed to be loved just as they were and not made wrong for being different from their parents. How exciting! I had not grown up in a world like that, but I could definitely imagine it. I felt a rush of emotion and relief. In my imagined world, each child shone like a sparkling star or a shining sun. Each child was filled with love and joy. As I played more with that vision and the power of my imagination, the chorus to the song “In My World” was born.
Once the chorus was written, the three verses developed. They took the form of intimate, one-on-one conversations between my adult self and my tender, inner child. I had abandoned myself at a young age to please others. In the first verse, my “tender me” self was hidden so deep inside I couldn’t even see her. She only felt safe in the dark. So I met her there. I sat in the darkness, committed to staying as long as it took to regain her trust. I promised her a vision of a new world we could step into when she was ready to take the risk to be seen again.
In the second verse, my inner child, like a shy three-year-old, peeked out far enough to look me in the eye and allow herself to be seen. She was still deciding if she could trust the new me and the new vision of love I was offering.
Finally, in the third verse, I imagined my inner child and I sitting face to face. We were holding hands, ready to step out together. We were smiling, relaxed, and ready to play again--in my world--a world where love was our birthright. In my imagined world, love was safe, supportive, joyful and free of judgement.
LYRICS: In My World
Verse 1: Hi, little one, don’t be scared. You’re safe in the dark.
Hi, little one, I care. I wouldn’t break your heart.
I was a little girl just like you. I cried too. No one heard. No one knew.
I felt shame, guilt and fear. Through years of tears, I disappeared.
Hi little one. Take your time. I’m here to stay.
When you’re ready, take my hand, and we’ll go out and play…
CHORUS: In my world, where every boy and girl, has the right to be who they are!
In my world, every boy and girl grows strong, not made wrong—
a sparkling star!
In my world, girls and boys have the right to love and joy.
Come on out, come on in. Won’t you come, little one?
Be a shining sun—a shining sun in my world.
Verse 2: Hi, little one, I see you. Peek-a-boo! Do you see me?
Oh, little one, don’t be afraid. Your heart’s safe with me.
I was a little girl just like you, alone and sad, feeling bad and mad.
I was lost, hurt and small. In pain. No one came at all.
Hi, little one, I’m glad you’re here. You’re dear to me,
And when you’re ready, I’ll be near, and we will both fly free…
CHORUS: In my world, where every boy and girl, has the right to be who they are!
In my world, every boy and girl grows strong, not made wrong—
a sparkling star!
In my world, girls and boys have the right to love and joy.
Come on out, come on in. Won’t you come, little one?
Be a shining sun—a shining sun in my world.
Verse 3: Hey, little one, just look at you! It’s great to see you smile.
See, little one, I’m smiling too. It’s been a while.
I was a little girl just like you. It feels so good, to be brand new,
Standing safe and strong and free. I think you’re a LOT like me.
Hey, little one, let’s have fun. I’ll sing, you dance--
And when we’re ready, hand in hand, we’ll grab this second chance…
CHORUS: In my world, where every boy and girl, has the right to be who they are!
In my world, every boy and girl grows strong, not made wrong—
a sparkling star!
In my world, girls and boys have the right to love and joy.
Come on out, come on in. Won’t you come, little one?
Be a shining sun—a shining sun.
Be a shining sun in my world!
© 2019 Ann S. Bugh